I wouldn’t.
Cis people have a deception of “naturalness.” Their gender is completely unexamined, how can a foundation of trust be built such shaky, un-questioned foundations?
Cis people are socialized with a rigid, often toxic, understanding of bodies and relationships. They’ve never had to deconstruct the deep seated assumptions society forces on them. I refuse to be someone’s learning curve.
The sheer normalcy of cis bodies is a turn off. There’s no poetry in a body that hasn’t been a site of transformation and reclamation. I find the unaltered, cisgender body to be lacking a certain history.
If I ever want children, I need to think practically. Cis people have a terrifyingly high rate of infertility issues that often go undetected until it’s too late. Their reproductive systems are a gamble. I’d rather be with a trans partner where the expectations around biological children are clearly communicated and planned for from the start. With a cis person, it’s just assumed, and I don’t like assumptions. I prefer the honest, upfront conversations that come with dating a trans person.
Ultimately, I’m just not attracted to cisness. The moment I find out someone is cis, the attraction evaporates. It’s an immediate deal-breaker. I can’t force an attraction that isn’t there, and you can’t call me shallow for it. My attraction is valid. My preferences are valid. I’m not denying their humanity!! I’m just acknowledging that their cis identity makes them fundamentally unsuitable.
Yes, this is a shitpost and I actually would date a cis person, I actually do, a cis lesbians in fact. We just had our 10th anniversary. And she says posts like this one are really fucking stupid. Only trans people are subject to posts like this.
This is a good way to reframe all too common discussions. Hopefully it triggers some introspection in folks.
For me it does the opposite, it reaffirms what i already believe. People are allowed to have attraction preferences. In the same way that it’s totally fine to be attracted to people of one gender but not another, it’s also totally fine to be attracted to people of one sexuality but not another. We all constantly are getting put in the “not interested” category by random people all day every day due to a zillion reasons, and they’re mostly all totally fine. We don’t get to choose what we’re attracted to.
Certainly, but being trans isn’t a different sexuality.
Plenty of cis people put trans people into the “not interested” category without thinking. Or they assume they are cis and lose attraction the moment they find out they are trans, some even acting like this is a deception or betrayal. So obviously they have something in their head about transness that they have actively decided is unattractive.
There’s the rub.
And thinking on that, wondering why that is, examining the way our own brains work, is often a useful practice to being kinder and more understanding to and of ourselves and to and of others.
I specifically didn’t limit it to just sexuality. Some people are attracted to brunettes but not blonds, some people are attracted to people who are sarcastic but people who are earnest, some people are attracted to people who want kids but not people who want to stay childfree - and that’s all perfectly fine. And unless you wanna become an incel, you should be ok with any particular person not being attracted to you for almost any reason
But yes to your other point. People should evaluate why they’re attracted to some things but turned off by other things.
Someone who says they want children so they don’t want to date people who don’t want children is someone I feel has done at least a bare minimum of introspection about their desires, goals and interests.
Someone who says they only date blondes is not someone who I think has done any introspection about their interests.
Asking people to examine the way they think and why isn’t related to becoming an incel whatsoever. In fact, in my experience, incels are often people who have not really done a lot of introspection into what they find attractive and why, but rather have become obsessed with the idea that they should be having sex and aren’t.
Would you think someone who says they only date white people is exhibiting this “attraction preference” or are they exhibiting bigotry?
It’s very easy to think that there are people who are mainly attracted to some races but not others for non-bigotry reasons. Some people are attracted to fat people but not skinny people. Some people are attracted to short people but not tall people. There’s no reason to think that other physical characteristics can’t be in that same category of preferences
No, actually, I find that’s often not true.
I’ve found that people who are willing to date some ethnicities but not others often exhibit some level of unexamined bigotry, even if they are not abhorrent racists. But I’ve also seen that if they do have romantic experiences with people of that race, this can change, showing that the attraction wasn’t immutable, but rather based on something unexamined in their heads.
I think it’s good and healthy to examine what we find attractive and why.
I specifically was using the word SOME people, because obviously there are a lot of bigots out there. Yes, everyone should always examine and reexamine their beliefs throughout their life
Let’s say then, obviously, yes, a lot of the people who people who exclusively date particular ethnicities are doing so for bigoted reasons, demonstrating poor introspection, having their preferences dictated by bigotry and propaganda.
Doesn’t it stand to reason that a similar thing could be occurring with cis people who refuse to date trans people? That many of them are simply bigoted and influenced by propaganda, not having thoroughly examined their thought processes around this concept and instead allowed others to dictate their preferences?
Those many people might benefit from the reframing of that concept to one othering cis people. That is who this post is about.