I wouldn’t.
Cis people have a deception of “naturalness.” Their gender is completely unexamined, how can a foundation of trust be built such shaky, un-questioned foundations?
Cis people are socialized with a rigid, often toxic, understanding of bodies and relationships. They’ve never had to deconstruct the deep seated assumptions society forces on them. I refuse to be someone’s learning curve.
The sheer normalcy of cis bodies is a turn off. There’s no poetry in a body that hasn’t been a site of transformation and reclamation. I find the unaltered, cisgender body to be lacking a certain history.
If I ever want children, I need to think practically. Cis people have a terrifyingly high rate of infertility issues that often go undetected until it’s too late. Their reproductive systems are a gamble. I’d rather be with a trans partner where the expectations around biological children are clearly communicated and planned for from the start. With a cis person, it’s just assumed, and I don’t like assumptions. I prefer the honest, upfront conversations that come with dating a trans person.
Ultimately, I’m just not attracted to cisness. The moment I find out someone is cis, the attraction evaporates. It’s an immediate deal-breaker. I can’t force an attraction that isn’t there, and you can’t call me shallow for it. My attraction is valid. My preferences are valid. I’m not denying their humanity!! I’m just acknowledging that their cis identity makes them fundamentally unsuitable.
Yes, this is a shitpost and I actually would date a cis person, I actually do, a cis lesbians in fact. We just had our 10th anniversary. And she says posts like this one are really fucking stupid. Only trans people are subject to posts like this.
This is a good way to reframe all too common discussions. Hopefully it triggers some introspection in folks.
For me it does the opposite, it reaffirms what i already believe. People are allowed to have attraction preferences. In the same way that it’s totally fine to be attracted to people of one gender but not another, it’s also totally fine to be attracted to people of one sexuality but not another. We all constantly are getting put in the “not interested” category by random people all day every day due to a zillion reasons, and they’re mostly all totally fine. We don’t get to choose what we’re attracted to.
Certainly, but being trans isn’t a different sexuality.
Plenty of cis people put trans people into the “not interested” category without thinking. Or they assume they are cis and lose attraction the moment they find out they are trans, some even acting like this is a deception or betrayal. So obviously they have something in their head about transness that they have actively decided is unattractive.
There’s the rub.
And thinking on that, wondering why that is, examining the way our own brains work, is often a useful practice to being kinder and more understanding to and of ourselves and to and of others.
I specifically didn’t limit it to just sexuality. Some people are attracted to brunettes but not blonds, some people are attracted to people who are sarcastic but people who are earnest, some people are attracted to people who want kids but not people who want to stay childfree - and that’s all perfectly fine. And unless you wanna become an incel, you should be ok with any particular person not being attracted to you for almost any reason
But yes to your other point. People should evaluate why they’re attracted to some things but turned off by other things.
Someone who says they want children so they don’t want to date people who don’t want children is someone I feel has done at least a bare minimum of introspection about their desires, goals and interests.
Someone who says they only date blondes is not someone who I think has done any introspection about their interests.
Asking people to examine the way they think and why isn’t related to becoming an incel whatsoever. In fact, in my experience, incels are often people who have not really done a lot of introspection into what they find attractive and why, but rather have become obsessed with the idea that they should be having sex and aren’t.
Would you think someone who says they only date white people is exhibiting this “attraction preference” or are they exhibiting bigotry?
It’s very easy to think that there are people who are mainly attracted to some races but not others for non-bigotry reasons. Some people are attracted to fat people but not skinny people. Some people are attracted to short people but not tall people. There’s no reason to think that other physical characteristics can’t be in that same category of preferences
No, actually, I find that’s often not true.
I’ve found that people who are willing to date some ethnicities but not others often exhibit some level of unexamined bigotry, even if they are not abhorrent racists. But I’ve also seen that if they do have romantic experiences with people of that race, this can change, showing that the attraction wasn’t immutable, but rather based on something unexamined in their heads.
I think it’s good and healthy to examine what we find attractive and why.
I specifically was using the word SOME people, because obviously there are a lot of bigots out there. Yes, everyone should always examine and reexamine their beliefs throughout their life
Why are you doing this???
What do you mean “this?” Making the thread? Seems like the OP explains:
Yes, this is a shitpost and I actually would date a cis person, I actually do, a cis lesbian in fact. We just had our 10th anniversary. And she says posts like this one are really fucking stupid. Only trans people are subject to posts like this.
Also, its not limited to just stupid internet posts. People just randomly decide to talk to other people about how they wouldn’t date or have sex with trans people with nothing prompting such discussions. Why do cis people just go around imagining hypothetical trans people want to have sex with them?
it’s a reaction to my post asking people if they would date someone you were attracted to if you found out they were trans
that thread predictably exposes cis people’s transphobia, so this post flips the script as a wakeup call to cis people and their latent bigotry
Because I am obviously bigoted towards cis people. I am sorry.
Only if they are willing to understand and support the trans plight and use their privilege to step up when needed
that seems like a pretty low bar, tbh - though knowing trans people, our self esteem issues do seem to track dating “chasers” (not that this is always bad) and people who don’t really see us as our gender (this is usually bad imo)
I don’t mind cis people, I just don’t think I should have their lifestyle thrown in my face in public.
tbh and not to be rude to whomever. I don’t even know what CIS means. so many terms and whatnot these days, I’ve kinda checked out and just live life day to day and don’t bother myself with things. I just treat people as people and give them respect until they eventually burn it.
Cis means your inherent body looks like the gender you see yourself as in your head.
If your body looks male and you think of yourself as a man, then you’re cis. And the same for female body + woman self image.
Cis is when your gender is like a default ringtone on a phone. You never even think to go into the settings to change it. You just assume everyone hears the same “Marimba” tune in their head and are cool with it. Meanwhile, trans folks are over there composing full symphonies and building their own instruments from scratch.
not me thinking this was serious and an interesting valid perspective 😭
It is a valid perspective imo /shrug
So the is the reverse.
Imo people are allowed to be attracted to who they are attracted to for various reasons.
what? I just really prefer the way light skin looks!! 🙄
it’s also wrong™, but i think attraction is a complicated thing and unlikely to be extrinsically changed after it forms. not that the process of said formation is free from bigotry exposed to, but shaming people for certain attractions instead of, say, focusing on improving representation, inclusivity, and normalization in the environment is more likely to make them fodder and supporters for bigotry. though attraction biases are a symptom of bigotry, this is one of those cases imo where it’s much better to treat the cause over the symptom.
yes, now we’re getting somewhere - instead of defending bigoted preferences as a permissible, let’s talk about what to do about the problematic situation
I agree that shame is not the only or most effective method of creating change, but I do think it can play a role and be helpful at times. Some people should feel ashamed for their bigotry, and should feel motivated to change.
But I agree it’s not always the right response, and sometimes shame gets in the way of change - often conversations aren’t even possible around taboo topics because the shame shuts down any willingness to have conversation or be honest.
The first step is identifying and acknowledging the bigotry, and we often don’t get there when the response to that is so hostile.
I do think it is going to be hard to normalize and increase representation of female penises, though - even in contexts like porn where people might be exposed to a trans woman’s genitals, they are usually portrayed as male genitals (large, erect, capable of ejaculation, etc.).
Let alone intersex conditions and all the diversity of genitals that occur … Most people have a hard time wrapping their heads around the fact that humans aren’t able to be cleanly classed as male or female, that sex is more complicated than that is beyond our social concepts.
dating cis people can definitely be problematic, they often seem to have a hard time understanding or anticipating gender dysphoria, and that can make having boundaries and good communication more difficult
I also don’t love the way queer cis people fetishize my mixed gender body - I am dysphoric, I don’t endorse or feel embodied by the way my body looks, so when they enjoy or are enthusiastic about my mixed-gender body, I find it disturbing to me, like as if they were loving someone else’s body and don’t see or love me. I need to be with someone who sees me as a woman, not someone who wants a queer, subversive relationship.
sorry if this is an offensive question by any chance, but how would you react to someone irl saying “There’s no poetry in a body that hasn’t been a site of transformation and reclamation. I find the unaltered, cisgender body to be lacking a certain history.”?
what are you really asking?
I think you are being taken as a fool if you think OP is being sincere when satirizing cis transphobia by mimicking the kinds of arguments cis people make about trans bodies … it’s doubly silly to be fooled by OP since they disclose this is a shitpost and they are dating a cis person, but even without that explicit it’s clear from the context that this is satire.
i know it’s satire. i’m wondering how genderqueer people would react to people sincerely saying that irl
if you are really interested in this, I suggest reading Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl, particularly relevant to your question is the last chapter “The Future of Queer/Trans Activism”, which describes what the author calls subersivism:
Subversivism is the practice of extolling certain gender and sexual expressions and identities simply because they are unconventional or nonconforming. In the parlance of subversivism, these atypical genders and sexualities are “good” because they “transgress” or “subvert” oppressive binary gender norms.
There is a lot to say, so checkout that chapter, it covers a lot of territory.
If they don’t tell they’re cis I’ll feel betrayed.
it’s rape, tbh
Depends on if they make it their whole identity or not…
cistrans people need not replyI find that a very weird thing to say…
