You probably don’t want honest answers to this question.
Short answer: yes, you are young.
Long answer: life is messy. Like really messy. And whenever people over 35 look back to their late teens and early 20s they will agree that those ages are still kids and prone to rash decisions.
At ege 40 there are very few people who are still with their first sweetheart - and there is a reason for that.
Conclusion: live your life the way you want to. And don’t listen to random people’s opinions. :)

not for your first marriage.

The odds are against you, for sure. It can happen, so it’s not impossible. But the odds are against you.

To increase those odds as much as possible, take one bit of advice over all others - married isn’t something you are, marriage is something you do. You’re not saying “I’m going to be with you for our entire lives” to your fiancee, you’re saying “I am going to spend my entire life working hard to make sure that we don’t grow apart or grow complacent or take each other for granted, and I fully trust that you’re promising the same thing”.

The only way for a long-term relationship to work is if both people dedicate effort to making it work. You’re looking at a life full of compromises. You’re looking at a life of times when one or the other of you is going to get sick, or will fall apart mentally, or will get addicted to drugs, or…any number of other things which can tear people apart. Are you really, fully prepared to deal with those things?

You say you want a family. What if you’re infertile? What if she needs an emergeny hysterectome? What if you find out that you have the genes for Huntington’s and you’re probably going to condemn any children you have to a slow, painful, undignified death? Will you adopt? Have you thought about it? Have you discussed it? Are you 100% sure this is the person who you want to go through those things with? Are you sure you’re the person they would want to go through those things with? Or are you just kind of thinking it’ll probably work out somehow?

Marriage is hard. It’s work. It’s not a thing you do on a day, it’s a thing you do every single day until one of you is dead.

A lot of older people are dismissive of young love. I’m not one of those people. I remember being your age and in love. I remember how deep and all-consuming it is. You will probably never love anybody as deeply again, not with the same burning passion. Not in the same way.

But love and marriage are two very different things. And I think it’s that difference that older people mean when they say things like “you don’t know what love is”. You do. Perhaps in a way they’ve forgotten. But what they mean is the mundane days. The big moments. The effort and work it takes to truly build an “us”. That’s what you don’t yet have enough experience to fully appreciate.

I wish you well. But before you get married to someone, you should try to have an appreciation of what it is that you’ll really be promising.

The advice given above to live together for a year first is good advice. That won’t give you an idea about everything, but it can give you more insight to the little things which can be more important than you think. You might think it’s cute that time she used your toothbrush without asking, or that she leaves her knickers strewn around the house. You might not feel that way in a year when she keeps doing it day after day. And you’d be surprised how significant those little things can become over time. How much are you prepared to work at it? How much is she?

Just try to be sure, going in, that you really have thought this through (because it sounds like you haven’t). And communicate. The only way you’ve got even a slight chance is if both of you communicate openly and honestly and vulnerably with each other - and not just about the big stuff.

Live with someone for at least a year before you marry them. You don’t truly know if you can be with someone until you share a home and responsibilities.

A lot of people are telling you that you are too young and that the chances of such an early marriage lasting happily are very low.

These people are right. And I would say the same things.

But I also want to say that ultimately, it is for you and your partner to decide. Only you two can know for sure. Because the chances that you are making a sound decision at such early ages are very low… but not zero.

You both are going to change drastically (mentally and emotionally) in the coming decades and if you continue to be in love and maintain a desire to be together through all of that, that’ll be something.

If not… just understand that having kids now will terribly complicate things. For both of you and especially the kids.

I have a suggestion; continue dating. Don’t rush to get married, just stay engaged for now. If you really do stick together consider marrying after ten years or even twenty. You’ll have more time to save for a wedding and plan your futures together. Nothing is stopping you from living your lives together until then, and you will be MUCH more qualified to handle kids at a later age.

There is no real reason to get married now, especially if you live somewhere where you can register as partners and still get legal and financial benefits.

I honestly hope you guys make it together. Because that would be amazing to hear and because it gives people who have had one failed relationship after another hope.

I’d agree with the folk suggesting you live together for at least a year first, whilst also holding down full time jobs. That’s what most of your life is going to be like, so you should know what that feels like before making that kind of commitment.

To be practical, the commitment is more about the money since weddings are expensive and divorce is just a bit of hassle (unless kids or mortgage are involved).

There is a lot of changes for most people in their late teens/early 20’s. As teens make the conversion to full adulthood, life has a way of rearranging priorities and changing attitudes.

Because of this romantic relationships that form prior 18 years old have around a 90% chance of dissolution within 10 years.

So do yourself a favor, give yourself 4-5 more years to get through schooling, work, pay bills etc and then look at getting married.

My wife’s college roommate married the guy she started dating at 14. They went to different universities 2 hours apart. They lived together when she went to grad school. They got married when they were 26 and have been happily married with 3 kids for over 20 years now.

My parents did that. Results were not pretty.

Why the hurry? She’s not running away, and if she were, then marrying wouldn’t solve that.

Too young ? Yes. Yes, I’m 60

Your gf is 17 and has an entire life to live. If you loved her you wouldn’t do this to her, it’s all about you which will change in years to come, which means it will end in tears…

why wait if you know what you want?

“The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt”. - Bertrand Russell

I think it’s lovely. Life is short, make the most of it.

Please reconsider.

Give it three more years, you develop very fast in your teens, and you have two years head start on that front. You seem to be rushing through a period that should be taken slow.

I would also recommend that you try and live together for a minimum of a year before making any big plans.

Remember that marriage is not only a big/lavish party, it is also a legally binding agreement, and makes splitting up way more difficult should the need arise.

Even if you are both onboard with marriage now, there is zero advantage to rushing through it, there are plenty of advantages to waiting.

There was a song written about this… People asked themselves this question for quite some time.

“C’est la vie” say the old folks It goes to show you never can tell

Of course you’re early. But don’t tell me people who married in their 40s haven’t been able to mess up their marriage either. It’s your mistakes to make. And who knows, it might just work. C’est la vie.

I wasn’t even the same person at 15 as I was at 20, or 25 that I was at 20. Looking back now at 35, I cannot imagine getting married at 20.

It’s a bit difficult to advise on such a thing without knowing the people and their situations, so I’ll keep it as general as possible and mention a few common traps. And it won’t be a clear yes or no, because in the end, only you two can make the decision and take responsibility for your own lives.

When people say, that you change a lot during your 20s (or longer for that matter), it’s because of several things, but I’d say the most important are:

First: Your ability to interpret and regulate emotions (the prefrontal cortex is the last part of the brain to fully develop and continues to do so in your 20s). And with that identifying subconscious emotional wounds and patterns driving your decisions, so you can take appropriate action to change your programming where it isn’t helpful. In a relationship context both of your attachment styles are very relevant here.

Second: Identifying and letting go of values and ideas that have been instilled in you by your vicinity (parents, religion, friends, TV, internet, or society in general) and identifying your own intrinsic values and drivers. Or in other words: Learning who you, yourself, really are. I know it feels like you already know, but that feeling can be deceiving. I for one don’t know of a single person who is let’s say 35 and would claim that they truly knew themselves at 20, let alone 17.

So when you say “It has always been my dream to have a family of my own, and that motivated me to propose: why wait if you know what you want?”, I hear some alarm bells going off. I would advise you and your fiancée to be very introspective, where this want came from and whether it truly aligns with yourselves and with your current situation, or whether it came from external influences. This is hard to do at your age, even if there is a chance that you are both already mature enough in that regard. Also be very aware, what marriage actually means. To you, to her, to others (e.g. is it a box to tick off, or is it a gate to real fulfillment?) and legally.

I read in one of the answers that you haven’t had a real fight yet. A primary predictor of relationship success is your way of conflict resolution. Now don’t go looking for artificial conflict to see how you react. But if you for example were to take things in steps, like moving in together before you get married, these conflicts will arise naturally and you would be able to see how that goes. And even if it goes badly at first, if you are both conscious of it and willing, you can both work on the way you react to and communicate during conflict (and in general) to make it succeed. A small word of caution and something to explore (not assuming it’s necessarily the case here): A pattern I see often in couples who “don’t have fights”, is that at least one of the two is avoiding it. Which can be ok, but not if it means always (consciously or unconsciously) abandoning their own boundaries or values.

What complicates all of that, is what people now seem to call “new relationship energy”. Basically the hormonal cocktail of your system that makes you feel so excited and in love with the other person. This leads people to ignore existing and potential friction and romanticize the idea of a future with the partner. While it is possible to “keep a spark alive” for your whole life, if you do it right, this “energy” for a lack of a better word, will wear off at some point. At which time other factors like communication skills, conflict resolution, the emotional depth of the relationship and value/need/want alignment become even more important.

I could go on and on (what’s your plan for education, jobs, place to live, kids, …), but I think these are the most relevant parts to make a decision with both eyes open. The journey can be magical as you get to know yourself and the other person together and witness and be part of the growth together. But it will get bumpy and how you two can navigate those bumps will determine where you’ll end up. No matter the success, it will be a learning experience. If you are willing to learn and act accordingly.

Good luck you two. And don’t forget to enjoy and experience your lives!

Why get married in the first place anyway