The boss walks in, there’s someone on the phone for you:
- Phone: “Hi, I’m the leader person behind that book/television/film franchise you complain about online and gee-whiz, you’re right! We want you to run things from here on out.”
- You: “Do I get supreme retcon powers?”
- Phone: “Of course! We’ll even retroactively edit in your changes!”
Huh, that was easy. What are you changing?
The Wheel of Time show… Change it to be like the books. I felt like the books read well and could have been adapted without changing much. Keep to the source material and embellish areas that weren’t as well discussed like east of the waste, the islands to the west, etc.
343/Microsoft should have let Bungie’s “ending” for Master Chief stay - Where chief saves earth but gets put into indefinite cryo as he is forever lost in space.
It would have put him full circle (as he was a superweapon waiting in cryo when the series started) and it would put him into a state not unlike the halos themselves, which I think was Bungie’s intent.
There are a lot of stories and things to explore within Halo’s universe and I would like to see more of those than bad-guy-of-the-week that Chief has to stop.
100%. I don’t mind the idea of a halo 4 it’s just that it didn’t have to be chief in it. 343 just uses chief as a crutch because they fundamentally misunderstand Halo
I did think bringing back the halo wars crew was a good idea i just wished halo 5 had nothing to do with it. Maybe continuing from there with Jerome taking the spotlight wouldn’t have been so bad
Also the TV show. It still boggles my mind how that fucking thing was made despite all the lore Halo has. But having a TV show or movie in itself wasn’t a bad idea. Following a crew of ODSTs through the covenant war would have been pretty awesome
Star Trek.
Everything after Voyager gets axed completely. 100% retconned. Doesn’t exist. You can’t even joke about happenings in it in any new works.
Voyager and DS9 themselves get trimmed down. DS9 loses 75% of its episodes, Dominion war erased, mundane space station stuff instead, no religious weirdness validated. Voyager gets better ending but retains most of its episodes.
ToS gets turned into legendary chronicles rather than full canon with the more absurd less science bits cut out or reduced to the fantasies of the chronicler. Main stories and characters retained with >=80% of it surviving. Movies from both ToS and TNG era retain full canon status.
It is established that alternative dimensions are extremely limited in number, you cannot do Marvel universe #69 stuff with it, the main one is the nega-universe with evil everything and a few other isolated pocket universes that are short-lived and unstable (often as a result of warp core implosion weirdness and such).
All existing writers and producers currently associated or associated since the end of the Voyager era are summarily fired with prejudice. New ones are hired and quizzed by me to ensure at least the main producers are communists like Roddenberry and do not want to turn my hopeful FALGSC property into grim-dark in space IP number 3. Prominent transgender characters are MANDATORY in the new series and other steps will be taken to drive every last reactionary out of what’s left of the fan-base.
It becomes studio policy to viciously copyright strike anyone uploading video of retconned parts of the IP to any platform as well as to bully journalist insiders with access into adopting the new line by excluding anyone who disagrees with it from access or favor.
On Section 31 and ideology
Section 31 as an organization is rewritten, it exists but is full of the most die-hard communists you’ll ever encounter, they use a modified hammer and sickle with a third more spacey symbol as their crest and do NOT dress like Nazis but like communists in dress and battle uniforms inspired by real world communist movements. They are charged with neutralizing dangerous reactionaries within the federation admiralty and power structure as well as being foreign intelligence. Notes are given to the writers that they are shadowy but heroic, decent, and good as well as very dedicated and the organization screens for and staffs itself with selfless individuals. Several new episodes involving their members getting into time travel and holodeck shenanigans in 1930s, 1940s USSR where they are wowed and amazed at the heroes of old around them.
We’re bringing back Sliders without a reboot.
It was the real Arturo that got left behind in “Post Traumatic Slide Syndrome”, and Remy ends up finding him again after his cliffhanger solo slide.
Working with Arturo, they manage to get a slidegate up and running to go back for the others. They also find a dying copy of Quinn along the way who has some valuable Kromagg info and end up merging him into Mallory like the accident that melded our Quinn into him, in a last-ditch effort to save him. The presence of this third Quinn, who is almost like the original, outweighs Mallory so we have Jerry O’Connell back in the cast.
The gang all back together, they go to deliver the Kromagg bio-weapon in Remy’s blood and succeed. It’s now slowly spreading across all worlds. But the Kromagg big bad they’re fighting during this process sets off some kind of nuke inside a slide-tunnel, destabilizing the entire thing and basically scrambling sliding across all worlds. Even if you knew how to precisely connect to a world before, it goes somewhere else now.
And now we’re back to the classic formula, we can do whatever we want from here.
Jeremiah, Jericho, dead like me.
They were all great ideas (though jericho wasn’t necessarily original), that if you grabbed some great writers could be modernized to be awesome. But since they didn’t have a wide audience, they never will happen unless I use this power. Most of the others mentioned here will eventually get redone.
I loved all three of those. I even liked the Dead Like Me movie and read the Jericho comics.
World of Warcraft, I’m making the Legion no longer all aliens, they’re demons from Hell again. Also the Draenei look exclusively like the Broken, no pretty goats allowed.
Yes I am retconning a retcon, it’s been ~20 years and it still bothers me! also ig Shadowlands never happened, just for good measure.
This one’s easy, Warhammer 40k, and all the nonsense about primaris and guilliman returning.
Do I also have unlimited money? What am I saying, the BBC is obviously swimming in money. Undo everything until shortly before the Doctor regenerates into David Tennant again and instead commission Studio Ghibli to do a 26 episodes series based on my Doctor Who comic about 13 and Rose, voiced of course by Jodie Whittaker and Billie Piper.
No, I don’t at all hate everything since Jodie left, I just prefer my vision, that’s all. :D
Okay, I am a merciful god - if the BBC have to watch their budget this year, we just undo The Power of the Doctor.
The Master’s plan is now not simply to swap clothes with the Doctor (???) but to actually swap faces. Jodie gets to be the Master and go bonkers on the universe while the Sacha Dhawan!Doctor has to convince Yaz (cue lesbian confusion) that he really is the Doctor and then go after the Master. At the end of TPotD, the Jodie!Master still regenerates into David Tennant (wearing 13’s clothes for fuck’s sake) and the 60th Anniversary is about how the Master uses the Doctor’s most popular face to absolutely ruin their reputation in all of time and space.
(Donna, after having her memory forcefully restored, instantly clocks that this is not the Doctor she knows but is forced to accompany him because he is threatening her daughter. She complains loudly about everything he does.)
In the end, the Doctor still regenerates into Ncuti and we’ll see where to go from there.
… can 13 and Yaz at least have the chastest of kisses on the lips before the end? That’d be fine too…
Hmm, I’ll have to run it by the head office but I think unlimited money should be okay. (and heck yes, I’m down with this vision)
Nnnnnoice. 🤩
I came here to do a Doctor Who one too, can I tack it onto yours?
It’s also revealed that the Master just hacked the Matrix to mess with the Doctor’s head, and the Timeless Child was just some bullshit he made up.
That’s going in as well, yes.
I give Monolith Soft the funding and popularity needed to be able to create all 6 originally planned Xenosaga games instead of the 3 we got
All of the Kelvin-verse Star Trek movies and all Disney-canon Star Wars content.
.......Except for Andor and Rogue One. That shit is tight.
I agree about the start ears stuff after watching Andor I was like F the Jedi story line, I want more of this!
I don’t mind kelvin since it’s its own universe. Also I think it got lots of people into trek. The 09 movie is what got me started on the series and now I’ve seen it all many times over.
But why the kelvin universe, it already is its own canon
Yeah, that’s easy to ignore, if you insist. Not even a mention of the whole Picard disaster? Weird.
Because it never should’ve been made in the first place.
Like the Star Wars sequels, it was just yet another example of
- a mainstream, well-known, toe-the-line corporate Hollywood director who
- is known for making big bombastic movies that are great eye-candy but shallow stories (“a mile wide but an inch deep”),
- who aren’t actually fans of the franchise & are thus actually just outsiders to the fandom and thus don’t know what makes actual members of the fandom “tick”, what makes the content great and all that,
- and because they’re not huge fans of the franchise, rather than spend the time & energy to consume, understand, and get up to speed with all the years of varied lore (good and bad), they just go the lazy route, say “fuck it let’s just do a reboot” so they don’t have to do all the work.
It’s easy to say that the Kelvinverse is “just an alternative canon”, but that’s only because it largely flopped. If the Kelvinverse had taken off, or if Paramount had been stubborn and kept with it like Disney has with the Star Wars “Disney canon”, it would have undoubtedly been the only officially recognized canon. This is exactly what happened to Star Wars, and as it stands Legends/EU canon have only largely been kept alive by the fans, with very few exceptions (one of them being the Star Wars: The Old Republic MMO).
Give Voyager one final, long episode with a proper sendoff (instead of the half-assed one they did), where we can see how the characters actually ended up in the coming years. With an epic orchestral soundtrack, at least one really good space battle scene and a lot of pathos, it deserves it! ST: Picard is also considered non-canon (the first two seasons have been a shitshow and the third was just nostalgia-bait anyway). So nothing that happened to Seven of Nine in that plotline ever officially happened and the final Voyager episode can utilize some talented writers to make it good.
…and also delete the episode where some crew members become animals and bang each other, because excuse me, what the fuck was that?
Command and Conquer - the Tiberium Saga. Leave Tiberian Sun and Firestorm alone, modify C&C 3 to have better continuity with Tib Sun and Firestorm on the state of Earth (i.e. Tiberium Fauna and Flora, further degradation of Earth environment). Remake C&C 4 where base building is part of the core gameplay element again, and delay the deus ex machina effect of the Tacitus such that the Earth is not in such a pristine state as what we do see in C&C 4
A lot of horror movie franchises would get retcon or some installments would outright be axed.
Friday the 13th would not need to go on for 10 movies. Get rid of Parts 9, 3, 5, X and 8. This is now going to be a compressed, coherent movie series of 5 movies where we attempt to establish a better comprehensible story involving Jason. Kane Hodder is the staple actor of Jason.
Nightmare on Elm Street, going to cut out Parts 6, 5, 2, and 4. Compress and re-write the story while retaining elements of selected pieces to build off from. The remake will not have ever happened. Freddy vs Jason would still happen but it would be involving the original creators of both Nightmare on Elm St and Friday the 13th and Kane Hodder will star as Jason. No cop out ending like the original version got, but the victor would not only be decided by final battle but also body count.
Halloween, take out 3, 4, H20, 2, 5, Resurrection and all of the Rob Zombie directed ones. Retcon.
Scream, that movie series feels more like a trilogy movie so that’s what it is going to be instead of all of these unnecessary installments.
Final Destination, same thing.
Saw, same thing as I felt the series ended beautifully with three movies but went entirely off the rails in later installments.
Puppet Master, I would honestly keep to 5, get rid of all of the ones where they focused too much on the Nazi stuff and the clash they had with Demonic Toys.
Leprechaun, just get rid of the ones where he entangles with the Hood and obviously the space one and max the series out at 2 films.
Hellraiser, keep it to two movies.
Warhammer 40k, dumping at least half of pyrrhic shit and needless grimdark but also bringing back the old lore that humans caused chaos.
Isn’t Chaos a part of the universe just like space and time? Those Eldars, Necrons and old ones are basically the one that leave it chaotic and volatile way before human even comes into existence. True human is the dominant life form that’s feeding it, I don’t know when have it ever been human who created Chaos.
Old lore was that humans are responsible for the creation and empowerement of the chaos gods except slaanesh. And while it was never mentioned for ages in franchise at least the empowerment is certainly true since pre Horus Heresy the presence of chaos in the materium was so pitiful that 200 years of Great Crusade barely managed to discover anything substantial. Hell, Word Bearers actively searched for any chaos with dozens, maybe hundreds of fleets and only found it after years of searching. Also while you look at the manifestations of chaos there’s barely anything that can’t be traced to humanity, there’s much talk about chaotic xeno spiecies but their actual effects are always very local (except eldar and slaanesh).
I’m shocked nobody has said game of thrones yet
Everybody’s hoping GRRM is already on the task.
Everybody’s hoping GRRM is already on the task.
The real religion behind GoT.
Fine, I’ll tackle it. It now ends like The Village. They were all in a big Renaissance Faire the whole time. The organizers are arrested and placed in the backs of police cruisers.
A Song of Ice and Fyre Festival.
