One day you come home, you see all your stuff is in boxes. Then you see a note on the fridge, it says: “Womp womp” You fall to your knees and break down in tears. Through your tears you see another note underneath the fridge. You reach for the note. The note reads: “Womp, womp?” You began to laugh maniacally. You hear footsteps, you stop laughing. Your wife stands behind you. She says: “Kept you on your toes didn’t I?”

We’ll all become peasants who serve a lord and we’ll call it natural living

At least he’ll die doing what he loved.

You’re a real one.

Amateur move, I just throw my whole breakfast in my coffee.

It was the Mexican National Anthem

Are you ok now?

Great, I can solve all these problems with 3 wishes. I wish to be a sentient robot that’s indistinguishable from a normal human being. I wish for a steady supply of spar parts in case any piece of me breaks. And my last wish is that I have the capability to repair, upgrade and enhance myself as I see fit.

But PVC does melt unlike schrapnel, so there’s no problem if they set your abdomen on fire.

The leaders will get nice cushy jobs in Israel as consultants.

Pull trigger to continue.

I’m quite certain that it was a moth on the silence of the lambs poster and not a butterfly

Spudelia, Spudtinca, Spudcy, Spuddaya, Spuddey, Spudtilda. These are all viable names, I suggest you rename your child.

It’s all the nicotine in the breast milk

Your desktop was cluttered so Microsoft AI agent formatted your hard drive. Please insert your credit card number to buy a new windows license.

I think you might be a kung fu master

Now you just need a gunpowder powered pulley system that whips your massive dong out of your fly after the motorized zipper opens your pants.

You’re my favorite writer. Happy to see you’re still alive!

They still have the McRib in Taiwan

TIL Grimace is supposed to be a taste bud