No problem.
I’ll add one other thing: Others have mentioned couples therapy. This is a great idea. Even if the relationship is already over, worst case scenario is they both gain some insight into their own toxic behavioural patterns to make their next relationship better.
Wtf is this. I’m so confused.
I do think it would be more difficult ting if it was a sinister tetrahedron, the most evil of shapes.
Hotter take: ban religion completely outside of religious facilities and private dwellings.
No iconography, no discussion, nothing. You can go into your temple and do whatever stupid shit you want, you can aid the poor if you want, but everything to do with your religion stays behind closed doors.
Amen.
Nobody takes issue with the idea that people can’t own people. Until they’re in a relationship and they start thinking of their partner as their property.
The insecurity around the all-or-nothing nature of monogamy creates all of the problems in monogamy.
Plus: orgies. Like. What’s the point of living without orgies?
Sex with one person, forever, no group sex, incessant discussions around fidelity driven by insecurity, gee, where do I sign up?
No one teaches you how to have a relationship. So people just kind of default into patterns that are often toxic.
It’s why taking a step back and being deliberate about how to communicate is so important. There needs to be a shared understanding and deliberateness about how to intentionally communicate.
And it needs to be something that applies equally to everyone involved. No copouts, no special circumstances that only go one way, there need to be firm, hard rules with specific consequences that apply evenly to all involved that are arrived at communally, and not unilaterally.
It takes two to tango.
The defensive lashing out type stuff happens because he hasn’t established firm boundaries around it. And she’s probably lashing out about stuff because… Well. Doesn’t matter, really.
There need to be firm boundaries about how to have a discussion that apply evenly to both of them. Both of them need to buy into these rules. When the lines are crossed the discussion ends.
This isn’t about shutting down a discussion but having the awareness to recognize constructive versus destructive discussions.
Setting reasonable, adult boundaries and rules, sticking to them, and establishing that certain behaviours are problematic are the only way this gets better.
If she’s unable to recognize her own defensiven ss as a problem and work on it all of this falls apart but having the framework in place will allow transparency into the why of it.
Agreed.
Reading the article, even when they’re taking responsibility they’re still not taking responsibility.
“It’s my fault, but that’s because it’s everyone else’s fault”
My religion is “keep your religion dar the fuck away from me”.
I believe in freedom from religion even more strongly than of religion
The thing in this post about curiosity isn’t just a lemmy/online thing.
The vast majority of people are mainly interested in themselves. Like - if you have trouble on dates, making friends, getting along at work, anything to do with people in general - approaching them with a sense of sincere curiosity will completely change things overnight.
Get people to talk about themselves, be supportive in your discussions with them, and shut the fuck up wherever possible and suddenly you’re interesting, a good person, kind, whatever - traits you’ve done exactly fuck all to demonstrate, but that people will swear are true because you seem interested in them.
It’s fucking bonkers but it’s true. Curiosity can change your world.
I love porn. Like. I’ve watched porn for 30+ years.
At no point have I ever thought: “let’s talk to people online about porn” or “let’s share porn I enjoy with other people” or “wow, it would be great if I could find porn of younger people”.
Everything this article talks about is fucking unfathomable to me.
If you are looking at CSAM it’s probably because YOU’RE A FUCKING PEDO. I’m sure there are varying degrees of that but I just don’t. Fucking. Get it.
It isn’t porns fault you’re a twisted fuck…And not once, ever, in 30 odd years of watching porn (ive definitely seen some out there shit but never anything illegal) have I randomly stumbled across CSAM.
This isn’t a fucking conspiracy. Porn isn’t a fucking gateway drug to CSAM. No one is going on pornhub and accidentally viewing images of eight year olds.
People access this shit because they fucking want to.
So. I have had some recent experiences that have been… Very educational about a lot of the less thought aspects of technology that most people take for granted. H Most faraday bags you can buy are fucking garbage. None of them hurt in the grand scheme of things but they more involved this but I can’t do calculus so feel free to do the math). At around the 5 and 6 ghz range (guess what frequency wifi 6 and 5g operate at?) the gap size in a faraday cage needs to be something like 1-2mm.
Of course you’re not talking about a farDy cage, but a shielded bag. So buy one, close it with the Velcro clasp, and ask yourself: how snug is sealed Velcro? How much can I roll this up? And all the other myrad questions that lead to the same fucking conclusion: this is not the radio blocking solution you thought it was.
This isn’t to say you can’t buy a faraday bag that works (even if it does you may need more than one) it’s that as the frequency it gets increasingly difficult to block the signals coming in and out.
And I don’t understand the math, at all, but I’m not sure how the power of a signal would effect a faraday bag. Like.im assuming it would but.
Anyway…my point is: if you’re bringing a faraday make very, very, very,VERY fucking sure it actually works.
How do you do that? I’m not 100% be t I’m pretty sure the equipment needed is complicated and expwnaive.
Someone more knowledgeable can expand on any of this, . Since everything I’ve learned on the subject has been severely limited by the fact that the Internet is a fucking wasteland.
I haven’t read any of this research because, like, the only feelings I have about pedophiles are outright contempt and a small amount of pity for the whole fucking destructive evilness of it all, but I’ve been told having access to drawings and images and whatnot makes people more likely to act on their impulses.
And like. I don’t think images of CSAM in any form, no matter how far removed they are from real people, actually contribute anything worthwhile st all yo the world, so like. I dunno.
Really couldn’t give two squirts of piss of about anything that makes a pedophiles life harder. Human garbage.
My first 4 months or so with Linux sucked. I literally broke a keyboard once out of frustration. I often find myself wanting to scream “can you just fucking work for once?” More often than I’d care to admit.
I’ve been at it for about a year and a half and I’ve learned more about computing in that time than in the 30-odd years before. I’m starting to get the hang of bash, I’ve figured out the cause of, and fixed, problems without reading anything online (Google is fucking broken and it’s not getting better so it’s often not an option anymore anyway).
It can be hard. And frustrating. But it’s freeing to realize just how fucking stupid Microsoft made me. And the privacy issues always bothered me (in the process of degoogling ATM) but they bother me more now than they ever did. It’s fucking gross. And it’s appalling that companies collect what they do.
Point being your criticisms are all valid but if windows is a Honda Civic then Linux is a rusted out Porsche in the backyard. It’s going to take some effort to get it where you want it but when you do baby it’ll purr.
Well played. You win. This round.