Why or why not?
Yes.
I’d be a bit of a hypocrite if I had a problem with that
ha, fair enough - though it’s precisely because I’m trans that I would be hesitant to date a trans person, but honestly it would depend on the person and where they are in transition, among other things. I guess in my mind if I loved them, that would transcend that they are trans (just like if they were in an accident and became paraplegic, my love and loyalty to my partner would mean I would still love them and stay with them even with that disability).
Fair enough. I might be a little hesitant to date someone really early in their transition, just because I would need to seriously consider whether I was able to take on the somewhat implied responsibility that comes with that to guide them through such a scary and vulnerable period.
Beyond that I’m functionally t4t, it’s just really nice to date someone who gets you, and all the baggage that entails, and with whom you already have such a strong shared connection.
You can find people attractive without wanting to date them.
Wasn’t the question…
And yet that is the answer I most relate with.
true, it’s hard to fit all the context I wanted to add within a title …
my question is really meant to ask how people would react to learning someone they are attracted to and would otherwise date being trans
If I just asked “would you date a trans person” I would expect the reader to think of an ugly trans person because that’s the stereotype, and then the answer is usually no, but that doesn’t get at what I’m wondering about.
Go with, if you were romantically attracted to a person. That helps differentiate between lust and love.
well being attracted to someone doesn’t imply physical attraction to me - it’s a reasonable interpretation, but it can also mean romantic interest
Yes. Because i find them attractive.
this is the right answer, here is your prize: 🎂
There’s no “right” answer to this question.
I know, I was joking 😝
THE CAKE WAS NOT A LIE!!!
you forgot this part:
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Yeah we already established in the premise I find them attractive. Of course I would.
Yeah but I’m bi and just am into people that make me thirsty, doesn’t matter to me
Unfathomably based
Yeah. Half the people I’ve dated are trans.
No, because I’m taken but it wouldn’t change the fact that I find them attractive. I’d date someone no matter their gender or genitals though, if thats what your asking
that’s not exactly what I’m asking - but it’s informative that gentials come up (makes sense in the context of dating)
I tend to think of being trans as more than just gential situation in terms of dating - if the person is not passing for example, you might get stared at as a couple in public, the stigma that is directed at them might also impact you. Their life experiences- the harassment, the unemployment, etc. might impact you. For me, these even might be more important factors than their genitals.
(I tend to be able to see a female penis as female, it’s usually soft and flaccid, like an oversized clit - it’s not as “male” as people tend to think, which can be a disappointment for a certain subset of people who want the female penis to perform and fill the role a male penis usually does.)
Uh so if I showed you a picture of a penis you claim to be able to know if it’s owners gender? Doesn’t that kind of go against your beliefs?
But yes it’s genitals for me
If they found me attractive as well then hell yeah I’m in!
Love is love.
inaccurate username
I’m a dumbass, not a fucking idiot lol.
Great reply, dumbass
Cheers Stanky!
Yes. Penis or vagina matters little to me.
“You gotta love the person, not what they’re packin’.”
interesting but not surprising to see the focus on gentials - after all the biggest problem (and for some, the biggest perk) has to do with the genital mismatch
It’s hard because not all trans people fit a single “type” - some of us get support as children and avoid going through the wrong puberty and live pretty much as cis people (though that doesn’t guarantee access to SRS).
I can’t remember exactly so take this with a grain of salt, but over half of trans people want SRS but only around 12% actually have had SRS. So statistically it’s probably true a given trans person is pre-op.
Anyway, for me dating a trans person comes with a lot more than just gential configuration, it involves their daily experiences of dysphoria, discrimination, the sensitivities about how they want to be touched or not touched, how their voice sounds, their mix of socialized gendered traits, etc.
Absolutely, there’s a lot more to it than just the genitals, but to be fair, everyone has a large number of differences from the mean- I’ve met bio women with very deep voices, with unflattering figures, who’ve experienced misogyny, etc.
Apart from the genitals, everything a trans person had that might differentiate them from a cis person can still be present in a cis person.
I tend to agree, many facets of trans experience are found in cis people. It is not acknowledged how much gender diversity exists in cis populations. Many victims of trans moral panic are cis, often cis women of color are the ones targeted in bathrooms for being mistaken as trans.
I guess with trans people there are some aspects like transition experience that won’t exist in cis populations- but I love your point, thank you for that. 💞
I personally wouldn’t, but I certainly wouldn’t disparage others who would.
if you feel comfortable sharing, I’d be interested to hear more
To put it simply, I enjoy having sex with genuine female genitalia. I enjoy getting to explore it, play with it, and please it.
No matter how good a surgeon is, it’s just not going to be the same as the real deal.
No, because I’m already happily married.
If I weren’t, well, the “equipment” is part of what I’m attracted to. So whether I would want to continue something long term depends on what they’re working with.
No. Starting any relationship with a lie or withholding the truth is not kosher to me. Now, knowing form the start, an attractive lady is an attractive lady. Let’s have that discussion. But I am also biologicaly a male and I quite enjoy the female form and all associated enjoyment with such. I do not find androgynous or males attractive at all, just not wired that way.
I guess in my mind the thougb experiment went that you see the person is attractive to you (in this case they are feminine and beautiful enough that you would find them attractive), but you haven’t started dating yet, it comes out before dating and then you have to decide whether to date them or not.
It’s interesting to explore various permutations:
- what if she were pre-op, would her female penis be a deal-breaker?
- what if she were post-op, would there be any hangups at that point?
- what if she were post-op, transitioned as a child, and her trans status was an irrelevant medical fact from her distant past, would you still feel it was a lie and be upset to learn after you had been dating?
It’s interesting to me you bring up androgyny and males when thinking about trans women - I guess that makes sense, probably most people think of a man who lives as a woman socially… I guess it’s hard when the passing trans women are invisible, living as cis people without disclosing their trans identity. That leaves the non-passing folks as the most visible ones.
Anyway, let me assure you, there are plenty of trans women who look and are feminine, and indistinguishable from cis women. But I totally get why this is hard to believe without first hand exposure.
Appreciate the in depth reply. I don’t have experience being a trans person or dating one or even hitting it off enough to get to that point. So my words are purely from a heterosexual male perspective without evidence to support it.
For your bullet points and me specifically.
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possibly. Sexual intimacy is an important component of a relationship, to me. I cannot have sexual enjoyment or attraction with another penis.
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I don’t feel there would be any hangups, just would want to make sure my lady is happy and medically safe, though that means more work as a partner
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don’t see an issue with this either, as long as it was disclose it. same as above for potential concerns. Finding out after a wedding or a few years dating would definitely cause me some issues.
If I hit it off with a woman and before we got to the stage of dating offically, and we had that conversation, no it would not be a deal breaker for me. Communication is important though
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No.
It really doesn’t have much to do with their biology tbh, it’s because nobody I’ve ever met who is trans ever shuts the fuck up about being trans.
Be a man or a woman, gay, fucking whatever. I really don’t care. Like at all. But I find vanity and self absorption huge turnoffs.
If you want to make your entire identity a single thing I again have no issue with it but I also wont want to be around you.
I dont have a problem with you. I just dont want to stand around beating a dead horse over and over and over again.
Also a penis is a straight up non starter. Everything to do with dudes gives me the ick.
makes sense, I don’t particularly like to identify as trans (I don’t IRL at all, actually, I’m back in the closet on that one), and I don’t love when people are super into making their identity about their gender identity or sexuality (let alone vain and self-absorbed)
that said, I do think a vocal minority are like this, and it makes sense that is what you’ve been exposed to, I just wonder what your experiences have been like. For example, are you finding this loud trans identity thing happening with trans men you know (or do you know any trans men)?
also heard on the penis thing, it’s a common reason people give, though I do wonder sometimes if that issue is a bit exaggerated relative to the realities of a female penis …
If there’s an expectation of sex we’d have to figure out if we’re compatible in that way.
This is such a mature response, it remains open to possibility while being realistic about the existence of certain boundaries or needs.
To be honest figuring out if you are sexually compatabile is an important aspect of any relationship, and trans people even more than others might need accommodation and have a need to figure out compatibility.
How do you think you would you figure out compatibility?
I would not. I’m all for treating people as they want to be treated, but as far as my own attraction goes, I don’t think I’d be able to completely think of them as being of the opposite sex.
this assumes you are able to tell, do you think you can always tell?
or is the point that once you know they are trans, the knowledge prevents you from seeing them as their gender?
I know a couple of people who transitioned and if I didn’t know I couldn’t tell.
I think I would be open to date if I found out organically that they are trans.
If instead it is the topic of conversation every other day, I’d pass.If I couldn’t tell, and they didn’t tell me, then i guess I’d just be happy in my ignorance. I can’t say that I can always tell, because… well I wouldn’t necessarily know about the times I couldn’t tell. But yes, if I knew then it would break the attraction for me.
that makes sense!
What do you think it is about learning someone is trans that breaks the attraction for you?
Good question. I think what it comes down to is that the idea of someone being trans is just kind of foreign to me. I never met someone in person who was trans until I was close to 40, as far as I know. So for most of my life I categorized people, at least as far as attractiveness and dating goes, without distinguishing between sex at birth and gender identity.
So while I treat (or hope that I treat) trans people as appropriate for their chosen gender, it doesn’t come completely naturally to me. It’s hard for me not to think of a trans woman as “a man who wants to be treated as a woman”, even though I know that’s not what they want. And while in day to day interactions I can just ignore that difficulty and treat a trans woman as a woman, when it comes to romantic interest it is not so easily ignored.Same. Similar, anyway. I’ve only knowingly met one trans woman who completely passed, who - if they were a Cis woman - not only would I have been with, but would’ve been completely out of my league.
But knowing they were Trans… yeah, I have hangups, in the same way I’d have hangups about the idea of being intimate with another man. I’m not completely against the idea, but I’ve got ingrained social prejudices it would take a fair bit of work to overcome.
Same for me. I am all for trans rights and I would 100% support their choice, but I don’t think dating would work for me.
