I was a paramedic for so long and was so burnt out at the end that these situations became let me drink your tears, fucko.

Eight titles? Demon Souls, three Dark Souls, Bloodborne, and Elden Ring. If you count Sekiro (I don’t), that’s seven. What am I missing?

Auschwitz Survivor Comedy Troupe still the funniest group of dudes to ever exist.

I was an old school skater all through the hey-day of Tony Hawk, and I also fought Muay Thai for decades. By the time I hit thirty, I was like a case study for orthopedic doctors.

I bit the bullet and accepted I’d boarded until the wheels fell off and I couldn’t keep getting hurt. Picked up a longboard and it’s like my #1 hobby now. Just did 25 miles in sub-freezing temperatures right before we got slammed with the blizzard.

So no more half pipes. Just throw on a death metal album and pack a bunc of joints and cruise.

LONGBOARDING MAH DUDE.

Dude that’s a good thing. I’m probably going to die from my lack of fear of heights someday. You’re the normal one, not me.

I don’t and you can’t tell me what to do.

Dude I’ll eat a whole pizza in bed. I don’t care at all.

My girlfriend got mad during sex the other day because she rolled over on her belly to change positions and CRUNCH potato chips I left in bed.

I don’t even use old newspapers now. I open a random news site on my phone and whipe my asshole with it to save trees.

Huge box office numbers =/= people calling a film good. People have absolutely been turning out in record numbers for the films, but have all been shit talking them endlessly for fifteen years.

I’m not arguing its sensible. Look at Call of Duty and the rhetoric around how bad they’ve become, but the same people whining always buy them.

I love that this guy thinks the multiple billion dollar companies that make his smart phone exist that we know are selling our data thinks those same comapanies aren’t watching everything we do.

That’s right buddy. Amidst all these articles about data mining, nobody is watching what you do on your phone.

Dude, you think they don’t know when you uninstall an app? Bill Gates has audio of you jerking off and can name the type of porn and time and date he got the audio.

My favorite was “Ghost of Al Capone storms White House, issues list of demands.”

I must know what being gay cubed is.

Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out

You don’t actually know that. Perhaps they marinaded the bees in cyanide hoping the burglar would eat them.

Yeah… laughs in paramedic.

Anyone who has ever worked as a first responser knows that it’s an eternal, unshakable law of the cosmos that evil dirtbags who continually fill their bodiea with garbage are destined to live until the end of time. Pretty sure I know homeless crack addicts who were 80 when Mother Theresa was born and still outlived her, dumpster diet and mail stealing and all.

Wait I was supposed to put anal in my prenup? I know porn teaches us to love it but I am struggling to get past the poop part.

What is your stance on Roe v. Wade?