Today’s article was just a short one, and engaging in what makes everyone roll their eyes: seeing something happen on Reddit and writing an article about it.
To cut it short:
- Billie Eilish (famous singer) uploaded a picture of her old Nintendo DSi in gallery of images, to her Instagram account
- Someone shared that on Reddit
- Half of the comment section slid straight into shitty gamer dude Hell (the other half did not)
- Some man on Mastodon attacked me
- Post removed from Reddit when moderators spotted the comments
…this is a fast-forward of the oddness, but if you want to read over my ramble here, and see some shittiness, the link will help:
https://gardinerbryant.com/you-dont-look-like-a-gamer/
I see this shit all the time, and it is not only exhausting, but something no one should see (no matter their identity) should be subjected to. Anyway, read on if you’d like!
Thank you for sharing names. Easy blocks and reports. The irony was clearly lost with this guy and his concept of “compassion”.
Must still be practicing.
He said the concept of compassion for a reason though.
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socially inept incel gamer boys feel threatened by girls
That’s a very outdated way of thinking unless you’ve only hung out in boyzones. It is certainly true in many ways still, but look at the profile pics and usernames, for example.
but look at the profile pics and usernames, for example.
Which are known for being truthful and realistic…
Just like online assumptions. The backbone of truth for all reactionary behaviour. In this case, mirrored essentialism.
You’re just ironically using the same reductive pattern incels use. Doesn’t matter if you’re on the other end of a spectrum to them, you’re just being the same type of person by saying that.
I’m not sure if you’re misunderstanding who you’re replying to, or if I’m misunderstanding you in this reply, but I don’t think they’re saying “all gamers are incels who don’t like girls”, I think they’re saying “all the shitty people reacting poorly are the remaining socially inept incel guys”
also, wtf is this new “larping” business?
I fucking hate how people throw this word larping around. Like there’s only ‘real gamers’ who can be ‘true gamers’, and if someone doesn’t use a device like them…they’re role-playing? So weird. SO weird. And cringe, too.
There are sex differences in social behaviour, and gaming has historically been a male-coded status space. So when women enter that space, especially visibly, some men interpret it through suspicion: attention-seeking, trend-following, or identity performance.
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Maybe by ‘true gamer’ they mean someone whose identity is defined by gaming? Not for me to say whether or not that’s healthy, but it’s certainly extreme. And then going further to link this identity to gender is just weird. I mean, who cares? We’re all just text on the internet to each other, what difference does gender or sexuality or race etc make to gaming? Unless it’s a game that explores those themes, it shouldn’t, but here we are.
As someone who would admit to their identity being shaped by video games: I also play the Sims a lot, which (in the eyes of your typical gamer bro) isn’t a real game
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It’s fascism . Some are not aware it.
I am extremely aware if it, so I don’t entertain it.
ok forgive me for being old but they’re saying “larp larp larp” like they’re saying she’s “Live Action Role Playing” being a “gamer” cause she took a photo of her old DS? am I right on that one?
Misery loves company.
Whenever I see stuff like this online that’s the first thing I think of. These people are all miserable, depressed, and alone. The most basic and simplistic forms of joy from others sends them into a “woe is me” rage. They then MUST ensure said person or whomever defends said person be brought down into the same misery hole they dug for themselves.
And you can’t just say “oh just ignore them” I’m sorry but no, you can’t. I’m sure OP has tried taking that route several times but again these peoples entire lot in life is to ensure you become as miserable as they do. so you can’t ignore them.
So what do you do? you keep living your life. Enjoy whatever the ever living fuck you want to enjoy, post about it online, let the miserable cunts try to knock you down, post more. post A LOT more. infuriate them, let them attack you. respond to their posts with a simple “k.” or “cool story, bro” or “thank you for the feedback!” kell em with kindness or just an out right virtual pat on the head. “great post champ!” all that. Show them that you’re happier then they are and will ever be.
ok forgive me for being old but they’re saying “larp larp larp” like they’re saying she’s “Live Action Role Playing” being a “gamer” cause she took a photo of her old DS? am I right on that one?
My favorite bit is how Billie somehow ‘larped’ so hard she managed to invent time travel, went back to when she was a kid, took a selfie of herself with that DSi, used it as the image on the screen…then went back to now
I fucking hate this ‘larp’ shit, it is so, so, so tiring to see in these communities. I figure it has to be kids.
ok forgive me for being old but they’re saying “larp larp larp” like they’re saying she’s “Live Action Role Playing” being a “gamer” cause she took a photo of her old DS? am I right on that one?
As a way to gain attention (because she’s an entertainer, and entertainers live for attention - that’s their whole gig!), yes.
I don’t think it’s misogynistic to say a female entertainer may be “larping” to gain some attention. I bet that’s her actual DS - it does have a picture of a young her.
I just don’t really care about people on insta, and I only care about reddit insofar its users aren’t acting retarded, which most of them do.
It can’t be larp if it’s real
I removed their comment and warned a ban for the future. I’m not putting up with that word being used as a casual put-down, that is not on for this community.
Thank you for looking out for your community’s health ❤️
I think the trick for that sort of thing is rather than trying to circumvent or silence those voices, you just gotta ignore them until they eventually snowball into cringe lol
Kind of like how it used to be considered cool to dunk on people for being religious online, but now it’s pretty much the opposite
gaming is more cerebral than corporeal
This guy had a great analysis video, complete with interviews with victims, of toxicity towards female entry into male spaces. He goes historically into how video games were first age-neutral, then Nintendo made them “toys”, and toys were for boys, slowly leading to the space having a toxic exclusivity problem.
One of the best bits (which I unfortunately don’t have a timestamp for right now) is when he talks about his own experience as a kid, and how he inadvertently tried to exclude a family member when she started playing the game better than him.
Thanks for sharing this! It’s good to also hear men bring these issues up.
Years of playing multiplayer have taught me why girls play muted. And I do what I can but often that’s just getting some sweaty dude at the bottom of the leaderboard banned. It’s so often the same ones that are silent until the match is over and they’re blaming everyone but themselves.
how he inadvertently tried to exclude a family member when she started playing the game better than him.
Yep, that is a big part of the reason. There was a study where they showed: the top players weren’t as misogynistic as the bottom players when a woman played with them. So the conclusion is that to a lot of people they are really fragile and lash out because they aren’t as good as they like to be and fear losing ‘status’ if women would join our hobby.
Sadly I can’t find the study at the moment.
Dickheads like this are the reason I don’t like telling people I play games. People that attempt to put others in boxes are the worst
I too, hate boxes.
The you don’t look like a gamer line has always been so tired. If someone plays games, they’re a gamer — no gatekeeping DLC required.
Yes and no. I’m sorry I refuse to count someone who exclusively plays Candy Crush on their phone as a “gamer”. I mean I’m not acting like it’s a exclusive title, but there is a reasonable minimum. You wouldn’t call someone an artist because they drew a stick figure doodle on their school notes.
By the logic everyone would be everything.
What loosers. This is why there are safe places online. All it takes is one weirdo too. Social media, Reddit, even here. Theres a reason you should never reveal your real name on the internet. And apatently gender jeez. Wtf.
Gateeeping is strange people.
That’s the weird thing. Shouldn’t people be thrilled that someone shared their love of a console? The gatekeeping is just the weirdest part of all of this. The new (and thoroughly shitty thing) is ‘larping’. It was all over the Sony PSP communities I scroll through, over the last few months.
I swear if I roll my eyes more at people’s actions they’ll just roll on out of my head.
That’s the weird thing. Shouldn’t people be thrilled that someone shared their love of a console?
This applies to all gaming I feel. We all have a hobby in common, so why be shitty to one another? Like I get light trash talking (about the match specifically at least) but as someone with more CS hours than I care to admit, there are just a lot of unwell, and even just incredibly bitter/unhappy people out there who use games as a means to take it out on others.
There’s a reason in CS and competitive shooters/games you pretty much never hear women on comms unless they A. Join with you B. Are already in the server with a group of people they know. As an aside being a “gamer” seems to vary wildly from being a title worth protecting from ‘posers’ to derogatory every five seconds. It’s all very reminiscent of the “oh yeah, name their last 10 albums” shit.
We need better safe spaces. There we need to put those people, and then lock the doors. Safe.
Good read! Thanks for sharing your work.
The comment section (in part) quickly becomes less about the device or shared memories, and more about performance: who is “allowed” to be associated with gaming culture, and on what terms.
Yuck, disgusting reddit behaviour.
I’m glad to report that my experience here in the fediverse has been quite plesant as wimmin folk with an interest in discussing games. ! I have to give a shoutout to my favourite comm !soulslike@lemmy.zip and our wonderful
overlordmod @v4ld1z@lemmy.zip and the folks over at the community for creating a cool and welcoming environment for everyone.Thank you so much for the shout-out - means a lot to me. Trying my best 💜
I’m quite surprised that in all the time moderating the community, I’ve barely, if at all, had to remove comments or posts due to toxicity of any kind, let alone misogyny or other forms of sexual discrimination. And that’s quite telling for a video game genre that’s so full of elitist #Gamers™ who bombard you with toxicity for playing a game a “wrong” way or having a different opinion about which game occupies which spot in an arbitrary ranking. Although, these issues primarily accompany reddit’s toxic neckbeard community, which we’re rid of for the most part
I remember when I used to play video games. Yea, I was your typical window masturbator with kilobytes of child porn and may have killed a dog. Then I got MKULTRA’d and got taken advantage of by a cult that reprogrammed my dopaminergic potential with oil changes n cheese cloths to then escape by cutting into my arm to do acid again to realize I was a woman to spiral into homelessness while traveling the country and creating a sex cult built around incestuous necrophilia that would get me v& by the FBI for accidentally advertising it on the Roblox subreddit. And also obscene terroristic threats to a prominent US senator. Obviously, I just talked my way outta it, and thank God I got taken advantage of by that cult cuz I woulda still had them kilobytes while playing Dragon Age or some shit for the sex scenes, cuz that’s what mattered when I played video games.
People on the internet discriminating around the most irrelevant details.
You know what grinds my gears? Tooling doesn’t help. In communities like reddit or lemmy, downvotes mean your content will be more hidden. When a dumb-wagon is formed the good content goes to hell. And people use the downvote as a disagree button. It’s annoying.
I fucking hate dudes like this. I’m someone who has “nerdy” interests and such and naturally they tend to be male dominated because people keep gatekeeping and being misogynistic for no reason. I’d love to have to partner with similar interests in this regard but it’s made harder by the fact that the men in the spaces are the way they are and it’s hard to engage in that way without making the person uncomfortable because there’s a precedent for all sorts of weird behavior. And then these same incels complain they are unsuccessful, well please stop ruining it for the rest of us as well. Even in a non dating context having a more diverse hobby means a more diverse experience.
and naturally they tend to be male dominated because people keep gatekeeping and being misogynistic for no reason.
Why does every male-dominated space need to become inclusive? Why does the same not happen with female-dominated spaces? Why does this only happen in one direction?
Have you tried to be in a female dominated space? I’ve had zero issues being in majority female environments like dance classes or arts classes once they see you’re not there to hit on every single one of them.
This is the second comment I’ve seen in here by you. Each of them gross. You’ve got yourself a ban now, but I did not make it permanent. Once the 30 days is up and you’re back in here, please have a think before you type. This is not the kind of shit anyone wants to read in this space.
Why does this only happen in one direction?
Spaces can be man or woman dominant but they should not become this way through discrimination, only through self-selection. It does happen with women-dominant spaces as well.
I grew up hearing that what ever game I enjoyed, “was not a real video game.” And this was IRL, from people I knew and thought as my friends, at the time. If I tried to continue, it turned verbally abusive and my fave games got properly shitted on. So I learned to stay quiet and play only offline games, just play my lil games alone. These days I got real friends who’d like to play with me, but I’m too shy to go online… Like I want to, but just too afraid. It’s really fucking dumb.
Fyi I am your friend and I support your personal, self found flavour of games 🤙🏾
I mean what does a gamer look like? 35 year old neck beard? I mean I’m a 55 year old dude that’s been playing games since I was 6 years old. Do I look like a gamer?
Find somebody playing a game. Look at them. That’s what a gamer looks like. FFS it ain’t that hard.
Obviously this is not a representative sample, but it’s hard not to notice that the three redditors in these screenshots that are gatekeeping gaming all have female-presenting avatars. It makes me think of an article I read two or three years ago written by a black man saying he gave his son advice that in an emergency white cops were a significantly safer bet because institutionalized racism gives them a lot more leeway to show empathy towards minorities without being ostracized for it. A woman actually trying to fit into a misogynistic culture is going to feel more pressure to consistently prove her belonging, and can end up being more ruthless in enforcing the misogyny and more effective because her gender allows a cover of legitimacy.
I was the same way when I was a teacher. Being surrounded by kids is not a wise choice when you’re a pedophile. Made me beat them harder because I was in denial of what I was really thinking of doing, which is why I quit before anything regretful happened. I’m a juggler now, and it’s WAY better being outta the classroom, I gotta say!
One of them has a trans balloon, this seems to further ratify what you are saying, trying to validate a stereotype to fit in better. This is sad from humanity :(
Remember kids you can be who you are without needing external validation. Especially not external validation gotten by being against your “own group “
Remember kids you can be who you are without needing external validation. Especially not external validation gotten by being against your “own group “
I don’t think it’s quite that straightforward, because they’re doing this because they’re also perceiving gamers as their own group and feeling like being a part of two groups at odds with one another demands that a choice be made. Their version of not being against their own group begins with asking themselves “which group do I identify more with”, rather than asking whether the two have to be at odds with each other in the first place. The lesson is that your immutable characteristics are not character failures, and if you’re starting to feel like they are it’s really important to introspect on where that’s coming from.
I know people generally look at this kind of gatekeeping from the outside and write it off as a repressed self-hatred, but I’m kind of inclined to think of it the opposite way. If your immutable characteristics are a handicap to being a part of something important to you, then actually being accepted into that group is a triumph that most people with the same handicap can’t achieve. If gamers are cool and I don’t question the premise that girls aren’t fit to be gamers, then if I can kind of sort of be accepted in this space that’s still better than most other girls. The boys fit in better here of course, but it’s not impressive it’s just normal. This other girl is just larping because she wants to be like me.
We should strive to identify cultures of looking down on others. We should strive not to participate in that. Don’t just find comfort in being who you are, but allow others to find the same comfort with more ease than you had.
anime girl PFPs are the new ‘xXx_420_BLAZE_IT_xXx’
…it’s the same dude who had a ar15/skull/COD Ghost PFP 10 years ago…
Anime avatars have been a thing for much longer than that but these are clearly not anime girls, it’s the thing where people customize the reddit logo to look like themselves. I might be wrong but I’m under the impression that the culture with these isn’t one where toxic masculinity will mesh with presenting as female.
