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Joined 2 months ago
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Cake day: April 8th, 2026

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  • Coworker loves extensive code reviews flagging every slight deviation from her preferred patterns but literally cries if pressed on why the change is necessary.

    Constantly criticizing and nitpicking but can’t actually point to a firm technical reason. “I just don’t feel comfortable…”

    Just posturing to present an appearance of technical authority. Tries to badmouth and backstab challengers, doing more harm to herself than anyone else in the process.

    Probably projecting, but I’ve heard enough about her family and upbringing to believe it’s internalized abuse. At the time she was moving back in with her parents , which I think was her falling back into the clutches of her abuser, exacerbating her feelings of vulnerability.

    Just trying to be assertive snd protect her autonomy. I did my best to get along and shielded her from consequences.

    But I don’t nearly have the energy to deal with it every day. Switched teams. Life is better. Hope she’s found her footing.






  • I’m ignorant of your situation in every way and probably not as knowledgeable or insightful as the other people who have already offered ample advice, but it bothers me enough to drop a comment anyway on the off chance I might help.

    “… tells me I’m his ideal type…” is, objectively, way into creepy territory.

    I’m not saying it’s necessarily unmanageable, but managing it requires an honest assessment.

    This profile is likely to delude himself into believing you enjoy being in on this secret at a minimum.

    To me it’s more likely he’ll cultivate the fantasy that you outright desire him and are only holding back out of propriety.

    Like other people have said, protect your agency and your exit options. Keep your passport safe. Don’t drink with him. Identify someone nearby you would be able to call if you suddenly find yourself unusually tired or dizzy or feel trapped.

    Or don’t what do I know. Just my thoughts based on very little.



  • That was my first reaction too, but then I thought there are probably positions in any large company where rigid standard grey soulless professional emails are an absolute requirement and would need to disable any flair.

    Not that this probably changes things for the phisher. It’s not exactly a surgical practice to begin with, and this approach definitely shifts the average.